I still struggle with believing in myself every day to accomplish my goals, I mean it’s human nature.
Last week I was asked to do a speech in front of people I did not know to talk about my relationship with my mentor. Mind you, when I was asked I was sceptical because I hate any forms of public speaking because I’m shy. Luckily, I said yes. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to work on my speech/presentation skills because this opportunity may not come again. In addition, the topic wasn’t difficult to talk about. So, after saying yes I had brain panic attacks (yes I have connotated a new word because it is my blog) wondering if I did the right thing and how I can back out like now. Then, I calmed myself down by telling myself everything will be okay. And, started planning for the speech mentally. Every time the thought came up about how I was going to fail, I had to tell myself that I would be okay. Not necessarily saying it in my head, but saying it out loud. I mean there’s nothing better than saying what you want to accomplish out loud because it just makes you feel 1000 times better, well at least for me. I was asked on Tuesday to do the speech which I thought would be the next Thursday, but it was the coming Thursday. Surprisingly I didn’t panic then. I think it’s because I had mind plotted (this is another word I connotated again ) what I was going to share with the crowd, as well as imagining myself at the podium. Imagining yourself accomplishing the goal is another great feeling as well. So 24 hours before the presentation I wrote the speech which took approximately 90 minutes, not bad. Shoutout to Grammarly for assisting me with my spelling and grammatical errors. I practised the speech soooo much that night that I could swat it.
Then, on the day hours before the speech, there goes panic again. It’s like a little voice n your head protecting you from danger because you have a history failed public speech. So, once again I had to chant “I will be fine, the speech will be fine, I will be okay, I believe in myself”. Then, panic would go away for 30 minutes and come back again. I remember walking over to the event, swaying and saying the speech out loud. Then, a man saw me and said: “what are you doing, swatting it, HAHAHAHA, you’ll be fine”. So I thought “he said I’ll be fine, so I’ll be fine, this is a sign that I will be fine.” Panic raged minutes before the presentation while I was sitting beside members of the crowd. Also, when my schoolmate said hey I see your name on the program. I smiled when she said that because I felt special. However, I was panicking. So I got some juice mainly for the ice because eating ice makes me feel better (another story for a next time). The program started and everyone had speeches before mine. Here comes Ms Panic herself again, I started comparing my speech to other speeches because individuals went up there with long speeches, didn’t use paper and had the crowd laughing with them”. Ms Panic made me think that I’ll be reading from the paper the entire time, my speech was wayyyyy too short, and wondering if the crowd will laugh at my few jokes. Then, before you know it, it was my time. While walking up on the stage I chanted to myself that I will be fine in my head. Then, when I stepped foot on the stage THE NERVES WERE 70% GONE. I felt like I was here now so I might as well read my damn good speech that I wrote.
Thank you Tiffany for videoing the speech without me asking <3
Then, in 5 minutes which felt like 1 minute, I was done 😄 My speech was perfect because people laughed at the jokes, and I’m sure the point came across perfectly. How do I know that? Because I was pleased after. In addition, individuals said they liked it so “woot, woot 🎊”. I probably will get nervous the next time I have to speak in front of a crowd and have to chant/talk to myself.
I shared this because maybe you struggle with presentation skills or lack of self-belief. But, if you don’t believe in yourself to accomplish your goals, then who’s going to? And, how will your goals be accomplished? Ms Panic or Mr Panic comes up to protect you from jumping to achieve your goals because you may fail. But failing is apart of life, and if you do fail, FAIL FORWARD.
To sum it up, believe in yourself people.